Sprinkle a Few Amber Drops

Reality Bites

2008-11-22T06:33:00.000-08:00

I sprung up into my feet realizing my day past by with me not noticing.

I woke up this morning, nearly lunch time, with my eyes set widely to my phone's clock as I glared in amazement. The sun was blazing hot outside, people already busy doing their weekend chores and I hear from the other room, my housemates were already busy chattering. It was then I remembered that I purposely overslept. It was the howling, spinning head of mine that knocked me off to bed last night. It was still the same feeling lingering on my head that kept me on my bed the whole morning, although fainter this time. I made an easy rise from my bed and went down to freshen up.

After eating lunch with a little enthusiasm - I was already alone at home when I got up; I went up straight to my room to open my computer. Just then I decided to entertain myself for the rest of the day reading another book. I have it here in my computer a copy of the Twilight Series ebooks. I'm done reading Twilight so my next was the New Moon. My friends' disapproval with my habit never really bothered me. They say that reading in front of my computer would stress out my eyes but then I never really cared. Reading felt so diverting. As chapters past, I did not recognize the clock was even ticking and that the time had flew by too fast. Barely thinking, as already my usual habit, I looked at my phone’s digital clock and to my dismay it was already 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Time had swiftly flown by and I can not believe that I wasted another day accomplishing nothing aside from finishing off eight chapters of an ebook.

I gently pressed down my body to the comfy warmth of my bed and slowly closed my eyes. I tried to think about the things I was supposed to do - my school works that I had intentionally neglected. For a brief moment I wanted to rewind everything and put them all in the "right" place. And there, again, the feeling of defeat, cowardliness, and self-pity ruled over my body. I was half ashamed of myself. It was because of my lack of confidence and spirit towards the concept of "work" that dislodged me from my now, poor-fated reality. This time, I sprung out of bed to head off downstairs. The place had already darkened and the night had fallen faster than I thought it would be. I knew why I was doing all these nonsense stuffs and I knew pretty well that these won’t serve its purpose. I thought I can get out of this much easier but I was wrong. Clearly, an escape from reality was not the right thing to do but this is the only way I know and I this is how I do it.

I ended up my day still reading the "supposedly diverting" ebook. Well, it did take up much time for me not to wonder about my now, down-fated, real life. I'm even quite astound that I'm actually writing about it right now, describing all in detail. I wonder how I'll get through this. Urgh!

_________
Reality bites me again.

2008-10-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

Lovely it is to see change in me but is it too late already?

I read my horoscope for the day right after I opened my computer. Here's how it goes:

Wanting change in your life and making change happen in your life both have one thing in common -- patience. If someone else holds the power over a big promotion, job change or other kind of role change, you cannot force them to make their decisions any faster than they are going to make them. And if you are working at creating new change, you have to understand that everyone else doesn't necessarily move on your timetable. Just take a deep breath! Then wait.

This quote holds true to how I feel right now. Chad mentioned to me the other night that he was quite surprised on how I changed since the start of the semester. My old self was too different on the current me. Although for awhile, I thought, did I really change? Or is it just the fruit of the moment. I mean, I have a lot of things to do right now and there's practically no time for leisure. Perhaps it is not the right time for the easy-going "me".

Additionally, I believe that if I have changed, then it is also brought up by the people around me. I am thankful for my good friends that are making me feel that I am important. In the past, I felt so down. I even pitied myself for being neglected by the people I considered as friends. Now I no longer feel that way. I am happy and so i am encouraged to do good in school. That's probably the reason why they say I have changed. I just want to thank them. Thank you, guys!

Although they say I have changed, I still feel it's already too late. The problems I am currently facing started for quite a while now and so I think it is no longer possible for me to change the way things are going be. Maybe I'll still end up disappointing myself. I hope there's still a chance. Please help me, God.

__________
How high is the sky?

2008-05-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

Confused

I wonder if every thing i did was right.
I chose not to go on with the way I felt and just forget everything that had happened.
Although at some point I still argue with myself what could have happened if i had chosen pursuing my feelings and let the whole world know how i felt.
But then it came to me that the friendship i have now with you is the best thing that i ever had and that i would never try to break.
If in any case you feel uncomfortable about this situation, please don't even think i had used our friendship to get to you.
Please don't misjudge me or hate me.
I never intended anything of this to happen.
Even I myself don't like the way I feel right now and that i practically want it to wash away as fast as i could.
I still want you as my friend, you know...

____________________
It really is true.
The harder you fall, the lonelier you become.

Point of Derision

2008-02-21T02:50:00.000-08:00

My expectations were not as high as a mountain

Nor my hopes to promises that are easily broken

To my heart that had not just once been stricken

Believing to nothing is no more like a dream.

You once spoke of a promise you’ll forever keep

Lied to me like a famous actor in camera peek

The words that resounded in my careless sleep

Desert me in disappointed hopes and dreams.

I demand with utmost despair of your tainted kindness

Why you left me lying in misery-filled iron sheds

Cushioned all over by thorns and sharpened spears

Why you mock me while suffering all these?

I leave my words of bitterness to you

Indeed you left my heart superbly aching

For once my hope is lost to someone so dear

Then nothing could be done to make things clear.

why?

2007-12-20T02:52:00.000-08:00

2007-05-08T02:22:00.000-07:00

Klasmyt ko po 'to si Micah sa Kas2-X3A sa UPD. i think ngkakilala kami nung naging groupmate ko sya . Tulad ko, di rin ata sya nakikinig kanina sa class kasi nagpapasahan lang kmi ng papel at ng-uusap. Me crush ata 'to kay sir. hahaha joke lang! :P testi ko din!wahahaha

2006-11-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

hoy! nga yawa ka!